For years, I honestly believed I was a good listener. When people tried to tell me that I didn’t always pay attention to them, I’d dismiss them as being overly sensitive.

(Can you imagine a better example of not being a good listener? I didn’t even listen to what they were trying to tell me!)

Once I acknowledged that they might be right, I became open to learning the specific ways in which I might have communicated to others, making them feel that I didn’t value what they were saying.

I had to ask specific questions to get truthful feedback.

Had I asked, “You don’t think I’m a bad listener, do you?” I would not have gotten valuable feedback.

Instead, I asked a few trusted staff members, “Tell me three things I do that says, ‘I don’t value what you are saying’.”

They all said similar things: I often seem rushed or I’m checking my blackberry or not looking them in the eye. This specific feedback was very valuable to me.

To get specific feedback, try asking specific questions.